SPAIN- Spanish Culture With French Heritage In Motherhood Worldwide
In the second spotlight of “Motherhood Worldwide,” we would like to introduce you to Julie Sordes who currently lives in Madrid, Spain with her husband and two children.
Background
Julie was born in Germany, and raised in the south of France where she lived up until moving to Spain 7 years ago. “We have a pretty French family, with Spanish touches I would say if I had to describe our family culture.”
Julie and her family value the ideas of respect, love, and happiness. As a mother, Julie intentionally spends time on her own which brings joy and fulfillment as a mother. “I really feel like it makes me enjoy my time with my girls.”
Julie works as a personal image consultant and her husband runs his own digital marketing agency.
Home Environment
Julie and her husband bought a small house (equivalent to about 800 sq. ft. in the US) in Madrid about 3 years ago. “There aren’t many houses in Madrid (and in big cities in France or Spain in general) so it was a miracle that we found one that we could afford. But it’s very small because we are in the capital, so not much space.”
One thing Julie said she loves about the fact her home is small is that although it does get messy quickly, it is able to be cleaned up just as quickly.
Their home also has what would be referred to in Spain as a “patio,” which is essentially a small backyard with bricks or cement on the ground, but not dirt. It is very common there to dry clothes outside, even in apartments which you can generally see from the street.
Get a full home tour and episodes on how Julie manages her home by joining Motherhood Worldwide!
Traditional Customs Related to Motherhood Similarities and Differences
In France there were two things that Julie would consider culture specific related to motherhood. She noticed the emphasis on children being especially polite as well as the importance of early bedtimes for young children.
“I personally don’t believe that my kids ‘have’ to be polite. I want them to respect others, and to do things out of love. So I don’t force them to say, “thank you,” or “please.” They also swear sometimes and it’s ok in our home. BUT, when I go to France people see me as a “no-rules” mom -which is not true. I know for a French mom I have a very different way of raising my kids than most of my French friends for example. I just didn’t like it as a kid, so I do it another way that my husband and I are comfortable with.”
Children’s bedtimes were another culture difference as they vary greatly between France and Spain. “In Spain they go to bed SOOOOO late (or later than French at least)! Kids [that were] my daughters' age usually go to bed between 10pm - 12pm WHEN THERE IS SCHOOL. We keep a pretty ‘French’ schedule at our home because I would go insane (haha). So they go to bed between 8pm and 9pm. So my French family/friends think that my kids go to bed so late, and the Spanish think that my kids go to bed way too early.”
Stereotypes/Misconceptions
In France, there tend to be stereotypes around French motherhood regarding mothers being really strict, and that kids are really quiet and polite.
Community Support
Julie believes generally there is a great deal of community support that is part of the culture of Spain. “That’s one of the many reasons why I love Madrid. Day care is free (from 2 months old to 3 years old when they go to school which is free, too).There are playgrounds everywhere! Literally, you never walk more than 5 minutes to find one. There are a lot of free activities for kids (theater, movies etc.). Kids can do sports for very cheap. Last year my daughters would go to soccer twice a week [for an] 1h30min every time for 9€ a month (approximately $9.46 in American dollars). Personally, my kids go to a great school with a really nice family that always offers to help us when need as we are here in Spain with no family support. That’s for Spain, as I have only been a mother in Spain.”
Another major difference between Spain and France is in relation to pregnancy and giving birth. “Maybe one difference (and I love France better for that) is about the whole labour/giving birth culture. I gave birth in France and Spain, both times in the public system (which is the “basic” free system In both countries). In France, they really accompany their mothers. You stay 3 days in the hospital after giving birth (if there weren’t any complications) and somebody come to your room every hour or 2 (a nurse, a midwife, a pediatric doctor etc.).I loved it and I felt so supported. I was so lost and it was the first time that it made me feel really safe there. However, a lot of women feel infantilized, and say they can’t rest with that system.”
Julie’s experience in Spain was very different to that of France. “When in Spain they really encourage the mom to be self-reliant. So for example, they send you home after 48h (if there weren’t any complications) and if you don’t call them you won’t see any doctor or anyone. I personally called them once, and they came right away but other than that I just saw one gynecologist before leaving the hospital.”
Cross Cultural Experiences
Julie believes in trying to understand other cultures and how that affects how motherhood can look differently in different families. “It’s always interesting to me to understand that in the end everything is a question of culture. For example, in France our doctors tell us that kids need that many hours of sleep/night or it will be very bad. When in Spain it’s the opposite. Someone told me once “it’s really bad for your kids’ health to go to bed that early.” But I see the Spanish kids that sleep less, and they are perfectly healthy. So It helps me taking some distance with the beliefs that my culture brought me.”
Advice to a New Mom
“Trust yourself,” says Julie. “Do it your way if you feel peace about what you are doing. And make sure your needs as well as your kids’ needs are being fulfilled.”
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